October 7, 2014

The Gospel Today

Memorial of Our Lady of the Rosary

Luke 10: 38-42

Jesus entered a village
where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him.
She had a sister named Mary
who sat beside the Lord at his feet listening to him speak.
Martha, burdened with much serving, came to him and said,
“Lord, do you not care
that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving?
Tell her to help me.”
The Lord said to her in reply,
“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things.
There is need of only one thing.
Mary has chosen the better part
and it will not be taken from her.”

Reflection (Sem. John Paul Adia):

“Lord, do you not care…?”

Life is full of struggles. Everyday is an invitation to carry our own cross. During the times that we are weigh down and feel like our body is not enough for everything that we are doing, are we not asking God why these things are happening to us? We are asking as if God is not with us in our sufferings or as if He is allowing difficulties that are more than we can bear. But indeed, God knows everything. He knows our worries and fears. He knows what is inside our heart. He feels what we are feeling. He knows what we are thinking. Even in the midst of anger or rage towards His goodness, He is still very compassionate to us that His mercy overflows more in the depths of our hearts.

Seeing this in my seminary life, I always feel that the formation is stretching my capacity especially when it comes to the responsibilities that are given to me. This is very evident now that I am in-charge of the music coordinatorship. Before, I thought that my skills in music are enough for me to serve the community with the best that I can. But this past few weeks a lot of tasks were given to me. It seems very impossible to finish especially with the short span of time that I have in preparing the community in executing it. And indeed I ask God, “Lord do you not care?” I almost cry everytime I see how difficult the tasks are to me and to the community. But I still believe that God knows what is inside my heart. He will not let this happen if it will not help me, especially my relationship with Him. This invites me to continue entrusting myself to Him. God is making me understand that in every difficulty there will be a grace-filled moment that will happen.

In the Gospel, Martha showed the tension within her. This made me realize that a heart filled with worries and fears would find it hard to recognize the goodness of the Lord. This was even mentioned to me by my Spiritual Director. I found it hard to celebrate, to be joyful, and to be happy and be with the people around me whenever I am anxious. The Martha in me was very evident. I could not focus and even reached the point that I became detached with myself. I could not recognize my feelings. Fear was circulating in my body’s system.

What are the distractions of my life that made me not recognize the presence of Jesus? As I reflect upon this, I go back with the problem in me. I myself am the reason why I cannot recognize Jesus’s presence. Whenever I receive feedbacks from my brothers, I have this initial reaction of defending myself, to rationalize or to resist. But His presence is with them. The willingness to help me grow in the formation is there. But I, myself, find it hard to recognize because of my resistance. There are also times when I am praised by the brothers. But the exhaustion after the activities makes me not even believe that I deserve such praises. I do not even believe that I do possess such positive skills. This leads me to false humility and makes me too harsh on myself that I cannot even appreciate my own giftedness. The presence of Jesus that I need to be thankful for is disregarded.

There is a proper time for everything. And I believe that the invitation to me is to “pray hard and play hard,” as the saying goes. If it is time for me to pray then I put my whole self to it. If it is time for different activities then I will give my best for the greater glory of God.

Today, as we celebrate the memorial of Our Lady of the Holy Rosary, may her inspiration in praying wholeheartedly be my inspiration as well. May every prayer that I utter be a time with Jesus.

 

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