The Gospel Today
Monday of the Fifth Week of Lent
But early in the morning he arrived again in the temple area,
and all the people started coming to him,
and he sat down and taught them.
Then the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman
who had been caught in adultery
and made her stand in the middle.
They said to him,
“Teacher, this woman was caught
in the very act of committing adultery.
Now in the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women.
So what do you say?”
They said this to test him,
so that they could have some charge to bring against him.
Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger.
But when they continued asking him,
he straightened up and said to them,
“Let the one among you who is without sin
be the first to throw a stone at her.”
Again he bent down and wrote on the ground.
And in response, they went away one by one,
beginning with the elders.
So he was left alone with the woman before him.
Then Jesus straightened up and said to her,
“Woman, where are they?
Has no one condemned you?”
She replied, “No one, sir.”
Then Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you.
Go, and from now on do not sin any more.”
Knowing who I really am is something that most of the time I took for granted. Because of the busy things I do every day I give little importance to the most important part of my life, which is being me. There questions arise such as: who really am I? Who is the true Ramil? Where did I really come from? What is my true history? What is my real purpose in life? As I reflect on today’s Gospel, Jesus knew who He really was and where He came from. And so it dawned on me that I must also know the truth about me, beginning from my infancy, up to the present self.
During our Reparenting the Child Within, Healing Attitude Loving Essence and Shadowpower, I was able to know myself even more, even my true nature that I never thought possible. I saw the wounded child within me that I carried through the years. This woundedness and painful memories made me the person I am today. I am shy, timid, fearful, and has low self esteem. I was able to find where I came from. It was during my play age years that started it all. I was curtailed of the things that a normal play age child would do. I was always controlled and disciplined by my father because he was a policeman. I was told to study at a very early age with limited time to play, be with friends and watch cartoons as a normal young child would do.
My past made me what I am today, a past that I never thought only God would know. My deepest darkest secrets are things that I never wanted to reveal to anyone, even to the person nearest to me, my mother. However, last January 2, 2015, in the last day of our seminar, Reparenting the Child within, the reason was revealed of why I have this kind of personality. I am shy, timid, reserved, fearful, and has low self-esteem. The true person responsible for all of these who should have been my protector, mentor and guide etc, was no other than my father who passed away 10 years ago.
I am such a person of deep fear, with little faith in self, others and with God. I am such a wounded child. I want to get rid of this. But I have to admit there was a time during my younger years I was foolish and that I had doubted God, especially during the times I was down. When I was still in third year high school, I remember the day that I got a grade that was lower than I expected in Chemistry that I questioned my teacher about the grade I got and that I deserved a better grade. My teacher told me she had a basis for that. I felt disappointed and questioned God why did He allow injustice to happen. It was a foolish thing doubting Him. I should have had asked myself and knew that maybe I didn’t make enough effort to get the grade I really deserved. I believe I misunderstood everything. It was my lack of faith that I questioned Him because of my disappointment.
After the seminar, I became more faithful to God and is sensible, compassionate and realized that He was with me all the time, especially during the times that I almost gave up. The overall experience of the seminar enabled me to open what I hid for so many years to my batch mates and I was relieved. I will now be able to heal myself slowly but surely but still I must keep myself in check because there is still a degree of fear in me that I must conquer. In our integration in Baguio, I still discovered that I had fear that lurks within me especially with the zip line Superman and Silver Surfer. But I was able to conquer it even it was awkward.
I will always pray to the Lord for help so I will have more strength, faith and courage that were already in me because God already gave me these gifts even in the beginning.